聖若望一書　1:5-2:2

親愛的諸位：我們由耶穌基督所聽見，而報傳給你們的，就是這個信息：天主是光，在他內沒有一點黑暗。如果我們說我們與他相通，但仍在黑暗中行走，我們就是說謊，不履行真理。但如果我們在光中行走，如同他在光中一樣，我們就彼此相通，他聖子耶穌的血就會洗淨我們的各種罪過。如果我們說我們沒有罪過，就是欺騙自己，真理也不在我們內。但若我們明認我們的罪過，天主既是忠信正義的，必赦免我們的罪過，並洗淨我們的各種不義。如果我們說我們沒有犯過罪，我們就是拿他當說謊者，他的話就不在我們內。

我的孩子們，我給你們寫這些事，是為叫你們不犯罪；但是，誰若犯了罪，我們在父那裏有正義的耶穌基督作護衛者。他自己就是贖罪祭，贖我們的罪過，不但贖我們的，而且也贖全世界的罪過。

World Religions reflective journal #11

This is the last lecture.

I feel quite surprised that the content of today's lecture is very usable in our group report: globalization and secularization. As said before, when we were presenting our project, we were afraid that the part about syncretism is not correct, but after today's lecture, I found that we can add many concepts about the topic in our discussion to enrich our report.

In our project, I learnt that the Catholic is adopting the Taoist ritual Piu Sik in the feast day of Our Lady of Fatima in Cheung Chau. Actually I feel quite odd that why the Catholic has to do so. The answer is secularism. I have also add this view in the conclusion part of our report. In the contemporary era, it is becoming harder for religions to survive if they don't adapt to the globalizing climate. But will the church lost its function?

Last Sunday, I have attended the closing ceremony of the Year of Faith organized by HK Catholic Church. Indeed I have noticed something: 1. the obvious decline in number of participants in recent years; 2. the change of format of the thanksgiving mass by using "rock" hymns. The later one seems to be a solution to the former one, the Church "secularizes" itself so that to attract more followers. Once a sister told me that the anti-church force is growing rampantly, especially in the regions that Catholicism used to be flourishing and impactful, e.g. France, Ireland, etc. And there is the "wash back effect" for the re-evangelization to the declining Church. Is secularization the best way to maintain the Church's life? God knows...

World Religions reflective journal #10

Today I have learnt the term "fundamentalism". An abstract concept again, trying link religion and politics together. Very long time ago, I have heard the idea of "Church and State", illustrating the great influence of Christianity on the government ruling. 

Indeed, I really don't know why people love to link everything to "power". This recalls me to Marx and Freud's perspective to religion. To some extent, religion may serve as a social agent to maintain harmonious society, but I don't understand how can the reductionists assert that religion is simply instrumental, or as an escapism (maybe this is the insider-outsider challenge)?

I feel very sorry that religions are always exploited as a tool to achieve something and I am also disgusted of the inhuman deeds of the so-called religious people (the Crusades and the 911 incident). What they have done are totally against the fundamental virtues promoted by the good-natured religions. Like the story I have mentioned in the previous journal about the soap producer.

If the purpose of religions can also be "reduced" as simplest as possible, i.e. to make human live a better life, but not adding extra meaning on it, I am quite sure that the world can be more pacific...

World Religions reflective journal #8

Today Paul taught us the about Religions in Hong Kong. Finally come to topic that is more related to our daily life. I (probably many other classmates) feel quite sad and disappointed for the cancel of our field trip to Happy Valley. This is a memorable place to me, a place where I was born, a place where I lived, a place where I went to kindergarten, a place where I finished my primary education, a place where I got baptised, a place where I spent my whole childhood.

But it's still nice that Paul has given us a "powerpoint tour" to Happy Valley, introduced us the religions existed in the very small Happy Valley community. Indeed I have been to the religious areas introduced by Paul, so that's not really a loss. But I have never noticed the unique feature of the religious pluralism in this place. I am thinking, what make Happy Valley so unique?

Happy Valley is a place clustered with Catholicism, Protestantism, Buddhism, Taoism, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, etc. I guess, maybe it's related to the history of the place. Happy Valley, is one of the places with the earliest local development. Wikipedia told me in the 19th century, Happy Valley was once the place of military camp of the British army, serious plague killed many soldiers there, so, cemeteries were built to bury the corpses. While Happy Valley has long been the living place of bigwigs, who had great power and social status. This and these allowed the region to develop with little or no opposing voice. The high degree of freedom might make Happy Valley became the hinterland for religions growth. These are all my guess...

By the way, we have presented our group project today, which is about a case study of the Jiao Festival in Cheung Chau. Me and my partner Tin Yan were quite nervous and afraid of presenting the wrong thing because the idea of religious syncretism in the last part was just proposed by ourselves. We had no clue if our claim is correct... but fortunately, Paul was quite satisfied. Indeed things we've learnt today is quite applicable to our presentation :)

World Religions Reflective Journal #7

It is not easy to keep my journal updated after each lecture.

These weeks I have learnt the introduction to the seemingly "familiar" Christianity and the "unfamiliar" Islam. Frankly, because of the Catholic obligation, I am obligated to memorize the concepts of the Catholic dogmas, which almost covered Paul's lecture last week. Everything sounds familiar to me. But, I feel like I am always behaving like an "outsider" that I have the knowledge, but the religious knowledge is not internalized "in my thoughts, in my words, in what I have done (, and in what I have failed to do)". This is always a big challenge to me, I am wandering between the insider and outsider. I am not saying I am not faithful to my religion, but I am the Little Faith. I wish I won't be externalized... 

Indeed there is not much to talk for the lecture on Christianity, so just move on to the Islam. I always believe Islam and Christianity are from the same origin. Yahweh is the only God for both religions, but due to the cultural difference, the religion was spread in dichotomous directions, and split into the two different religions. 

Paul emphasized the core feature of Islam is its adoration to Arabic. Arabic is very important to the Muslim because it is the first language used prophet Muhammad communicated with Angel Gabriel, so the Arabic-written Qur'an, the Holy Book, is conceived as the most authentic scripture in Islam, which contains the word of God. I also agree that to interpret the religious meaning of the holy scriptures of any religions, the first language-written documentaries provide the highest degree of authenticity since the translators might have mistranslated the scriptures that would cause misinterpretation. However, if one doesn't have the holy sight / wisdom, even though he/she tries to read the most origin, it is still difficult for he/she to get the meaning. Yet, I don't think there is so-called "legitimate" meaning of the holy scriptures, everyone can have his/her own interpretation when reading them, they can find the most suitable and useful meaning.

Paul also attempted to explain the controversial question: is Islam a terrorist religion? This is an outsider's / bias perspective that always stereotype the religion, putting the emphasis on the "people" but not the "religion". Not only for Islam but other religions. I have heard a story, in brief is about a soap producer asks a father why the Church has already existed for two thousand years, people still commit to crimes, the world is still very chaotic and full of hatred. The father replies him with another question that why soap has already been found for so many centuries, people are still dirty and can't keep themselves dirt-free. The answer is, if people don't use the soap to cleanse their body always and prevent themselves to be smeared, the soap can hardly perform its function to keep people clean. Likewise, the religious dogmas are always there, but if people ignore it, or misuse it, the value of religion can hardly be manifested.

Haha, it seems a bit out of focus, but this is what I have reflected.

種樹(二)

天主, 請帶領我。

多久沒有用文字跟自己說話

看來這次又要打篇很長很長的文章

28/10/2013

20:26

我在聽這個:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?list=SP353D713191D68968&v=s3TFbdnN_KQ&feature=player_detailpage

我不知道為什麼

在面對真實的情感時

就不能自己

眼淚無意識地淌下

就算失去任何東西

我也不能失去音樂

失去旋律

失去文字

失去畫像

這些

是我僅有的

舒服的

合適的

表達自我的途徑

除了這些

我不慬得怎樣剖白

所以

即使很窮

即使我令她很不開心

我媽媽仍然買了一部琴給我

我現在才明白

21/1/2013

第_次離開家

我想這次以後我決不會再走

雖然我現在仍是個未有勇氣歸家的蕩子

我真的很需要力量

去放下自己

這是我最不會的事了

自從我意識到自己的奇異舉動經常令人難受的那天

(其實是我小二被媽媽捉去看心理醫生和密集地與社工會面始)

我的腦裡

每天都充塞著「對不起」

去到某一天

愈來愈自責

愈自責就愈給自己找藉口

然後就開始可憐自己

不會再說話

這樣便過了十四年

去到中六

我都不敢跟人做朋友

直至中七

有一個小妹妹

說她很喜歡我

要做我的best friend

我才知道原來我還有人喜愛

我開心得要發瘋

可是

她最後也避不過我畸形的性格

不到一年

無聲無息地

跟我絕交了

而且她患上了抑鬱

我在考AL

完全不能保持僅存的理性

可是我盡力地

考了不錯的成績

儘管不俗

因我從小就不屑所謂「遊戲規則」的東西

在大學聯招申請

我完全沒有部署

真的亂填

有一個interview

是我當時十分渴望能考入的理大設計系

但學額只有二十位

有二十五位考生能入選面試

即使我的aptitude test做得很好

在三百多人的競爭中被遴選出來

進行面試

不慬說話的我

當然失敗了

考不入大學了

唯有讀副學士

其實我一直都接受不到

我不能循正規入讀大學

我讀得很不開心

自卑感愈來愈強

加上失去了我以為的

唯一的朋友

唯一讓我感受到溫暖的人

那時我很討厭家

可能是太大對比的關係

我從小就常常做惡夢

自我爸爸走了

我的夢愈益變態

夢到被姐姐和媽媽強暴

我以為是真的

所以

十分怕她們

然後不斷告訴自己

她們是壞人

我想我對我媽媽和姐姐

還有最嚴重

對自己長達4年的生理和心理虐待

就是這緣故

就是因為我的嚴重失控

在中二時

我媽媽才迫我離家

中間的幾年

每次回家

我也很想殺了她們

然後自殺

到我中六真的回了家

很痛苦

那些夢愈來愈嚴重

我每天都在街逛到很晚才回家

那麼我便不用常常見到她們

她們便覺得我不尊重「家」

直到副學士

這情況都沒有改善

其實我的身體也因情緒而一直有變化

小學的症狀是嚴重皮膚敏感

受傷時不能包紮

下雨時身體也會起水泡

中學就是很多部位都痛

最嚴重的是頭和眼睛

痛得要照腦又要驗眼和驗血和照超聲波

但報告說身體機能很正常

我媽媽說我扮嘢

中五以後就是胃

副學士時胃的問題很大

其實從那女孩走了

我每天都在哭

哭到什麼都做不了

我知道問題很大

因為常常胃脹

我去了看醫生

醫生想我應該是有情緒病

之後我就著手解決

不知是不是太急進

我承受不了

有天

在家又企圖自殺

其實我自殺過很多次

第1次是4歲

第2次是7歲

之後就忘了

可想而知我的精神問題很大可能是自小已經有

4歲那次

我很記得

也是跟我的夢有關

自小安全感就很弱

應該是跟出生環境有關

我在胎裡時

我爸爸就天天跟媽媽吵鬧

我出世是因為我爸爸那天要抱走我姐姐

我媽媽哭得崩潰

不肯

他便推了我媽媽落地

她穿了羊水

所以我出世了

之後天天都是吵鬧、打架

儘管我生於小康之家

我的童年物質十分豐裕

我一點都不快樂

他是我6歲時走的

從小康瞬間變成綜援戶

因為我不出聲

學業又不用媽媽操心

她便把僅餘的時間和心機投在跟我極端的姐姐上

一直如此

我沒有諒解過她

到九月

我仍對她們充滿怨恨

我浪費了十多年來憎恨我不該憎恨的人

我早就知道

一旦想到這樣

對自己的厭惡就不能停下

又是這樣的自憐

惡性循環把彼此的矛盾愈滾愈大

然後自殺的念圖頻生

我真的不能離開天主

我知道自己是這樣的病人

才需要醫生

我費了很多力

才能不讓自己一直沉下去

犧牲得太多

身邊愛我的人都為我犧牲了

教我如何不憎恨自己

我很用力尋找天主的聲音

可是我不是好土地

但天主總提醒我

好土地之所以好

是因為那些令人厭惡的肥料

由糞土、昆蟲、腐爛的東西組成

我問了祂很多年

如何寬恕

最近祂告訴我

真正的寬恕

是把別人從監獄釋放出來

也是把我自己釋放

我真的很感恩

天主給了我很多好朋友

還有幾位

地球上較慬得如何跟我溝通的朋友

雖然我真的很差

我也很想跟他們說對不起

一位是我最信靠的BFF

很對不起你

常常要你操心

我不會在人前真實地表達自己

因為我很怕我會哭

所以你叫我當面跟你說話時我沒有應

但是我很感激你肯花這麼多時間給我

雖然我又肥又不靚又痴線

你又成日陪我做白痴嘢

其實我的生日願望是年年都可以一齊慶祝生日

另一位是我最喜歡的老師

我不知道你會不會繼續視我為朋友了

其實我也沒有面目再找你

或者也沒有機會再見

你教了我很多東西

你教我要追尋夢想

你教我要努力靠自己

一定有方法

雖然有刻我真的很討厭你

因為我不知道你說的哪句才是真話

對不起

我常常有意無意令你頭痛

還有一位是我常常覺得很煩的人

常常迫我說話

又寫字給我

我卻常常笑你

突然打這麼長是因為BFF很想知我最近怎樣

我又不能用口說

然後那位老師最想我做的是回家

不過他不上fb

算了要看的就會看到

然後很煩的人

你是唯一煩到我很感謝你的人

什麼都放心跟你說

原來肯開心

就會開心

多謝天主和聖母媽媽…

樹

「我是誰？」「我為什麼而存在？」一直這樣問著，當我以為好了解自己，沒有人明白我時，回望過了比小孩多幾倍的人生，才發現原來我好不認識自己，我一直都答錯了。

這幾晚都是奇特的晚上（事實上如果肯花心思留意，每天都是奇妙的存在）。

從昨天說起。

早上依然是沒有意思的課堂，人卻有意思。本打算下班以後跟上個學期的老師與同學晚聚（是個難得的機會），奇特的事便發生了：  最後一天的第一次加班，２１：５０才離開公司。

顯然是刻意的安排。

其實正確來說我加班是加到２０：００，因為昨天是星期五，很多同事都準時下班了，若我不是Ｌａｓｔ　ｄａｙ我也會按章離去。２０：００，２萬平方呎的密閉空間只剩下兩人－我，和介紹我入來的ＨＲ同事。

她是個中年女強人（跟我媽差不多），由我ＯＴ完一刻始，接下來的３小時，就是聽她說老人經的奇特時刻。

我把３小時的話濃縮，得出的結論是：別理別人怎樣看你，做了該做的事就可以；自己的十字架已都抬不了，不要奢想能擔憂他人，把「責任」通通放在自身；一個地方不能讓你成長的，就離開吧；不要放棄任何一個讓自己成長的機會；真正的開心，是能在身上散發出來；別令自己孤獨，一個人不好，家是最重要的。

這三小時的得益，應該不會比跟老師同學晚聚少。

我能有耐性把話聽完，最重要的原因是把自己放下了。

其實我是個很自我的人，這樣的人通常不會聆聽，或者他人眼中我常是個聆聽者，但我的外在的沉默都是為遮蓋內心的嘈吵，我也以為自己是很好的聆聽者。

如何能把握讓自己成長的機會，則放下自己為不二法門。

一個人能夠知道自己的不完善，才有接受的能力，聆聽，就是接受。

「有冇搞錯」這話以往常縈迴腦內，都是起於自大，只接受自己的一套。

然後想起「我是誰」的問題。

一直都覺得別人沒看到自己的價值，久而久之便被自己的幻想同化，以為自己真的沒有存在價值，自眨、自卑、自怨、自艾，然後又不甘心，以為是別人不了解自己，從而自負、自憐，以為自己是最慘的人。

現在想起，其實我一點也不慘，卻企圖令自己很可憐，我的十字架一點也不重，卻不斷把無謂的負擔加上去。

我會有這樣的想法，都是因為一直答錯了「我是誰？」「我為什麼而存在？」。

因著祂的啟迪，才發現自己答錯了。

我以為我的價值＝我擁有什麼＝我的能力＝我做過什麼

原來根本沒有「沒有價值」這回事，世上每一件受造物都有獨特、不可取締的價值，既然連枯黃落葉也有它的貢獻，凋零的花也有它的美麗，人豈不更有其存在意義？意義和價值不是由比較得來的，它本身就存在。

慬得欣賞自己，慬得愛惜自己，才能欣賞別人，愛惜別人。

「你也很好呀！你要慬得發堀自己的優點，好好展露出來，做個令人喜愛的人！」這也是一位特別的同學前天在奇特的情況下跟我說的，她臨走時叫我寫篇文ｗｏｒ，哈。

其實開心很簡單，不須有人讚，只需我仍覺好玩。

大家都在成長，大家都在認識自己。

World Religions journal #5

Still, I (we) am bombarded with many new and complicated terms across religions. Today is about Buddhism.

Let me first recap of what I have learnt in the previous lessons, indeed lazy me is still wrapping up stuff for lecture 1 only...... the very important concepts of "religionist" and "reductionist" approaches to study world religion.

The former one sees religious study as a sui generis disciplinary that has to be view from the insider's perspective while the later one claims religious study as to be reduced under other subjects, and look into it from an outsider's angle. No doubt, the insider-outsider challenge is hard to overcome. To me, subjectivity is difficult to attain for any human with ability to interpret and criticize, no exception to outsiders. Yet, the key factor to maximize objectivity is to be open so that can acquire as much as possible and have a relatively clear mind to give criticism.

But it is very difficult for a religionist insider to study diverse religions as if oneself claims to be a loyal believer of one religion, it is impossible for him/her to still use a insider's pov to look into other religions. However, I do think religion is a sui generis domain that mustn't be put under other fields. It makes itself unique because of the unique experience of transcendence. This spiritual, personal and internal experience can hardly be stucturalized according to Reductionists' pov.

Back to today's lecture -- Buddhism. Though I am a "little faith" Catholic, I am very inspired by the holy doctrines brought by Buddha. About the 4 Great Faith and 8 Enlightments. It's quite similar to Tao's philosophy, or the new term I learnt today, "Nihilism". If we can suppress our cravings, our desires, we can overcome all sufferings, or put in other words, we can't even see the presence "suffering". Familiar to all, doctrines or dogmas of any religions depict similar things, all are good, virtuous, easy to be understood, yet difficult to put in practice. That leads to the tragedy of religious wars, which against the good deeds, concluded by tutorial discussion.

I have to speed up my progress in wrapping up the learning materials....

World Religion reflective journal week 2

My lecturer Paul asked us why we choose to take this program.

There is only one answer flashed in my brain: "This is God's will."
Of course I didn't say this out, because of my weak faith. I just answered him I am a catholic and I can't survive without God. I would like to see how believers in other religions deal with difficulties, or sufferings.

After a week, I think this is really God's plan, most of the terms that Paul introduced were heard just before a week in the Bible course I attended, and from my good friend's mouth, she is studying Buddhism. These give me priviledge in doing the course. From an emic perspective (emic is the term I learnt today, meaning "insider"), I am really ignorant to the etics ("outsider"). Though I have already known some of the terms and background about Christianity, there are far more words that I am unfamiliar with. I had halted for a second, thought this is such a challenging course, with so many new knowledge to cover with. But that's the point of going to school, to learn new things. I must be ultra hardworking, otherwise I mustn't catch the pace of Paul's lecture...

I wouldn't say I will change a lot after taking the course, but I hope at least I will take something away, which can make me more maturer, in viewing things. This requires not only the lectures and materials, but also my motivation and diligence to take as much as possible.

*As stated, this article is the reflective journal assigned by Paul, I hope I can keep it as a weekly reflection.